Episode 10 Holiday Special
Well its the holidays. At least when I created this and I know this time is difficult for allot of people in recovery so I dedicated this episode to my thoughts on the holidays in recovery. I also explore one of my favorite holiday classics “Its a Wonderful Life” by Frank Capra. The next podcast is actually the movie ready for download and addition to your video ipod if you like.
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December 13th, 2007 at 9:37 am
I can see each holiday demonstrates my state of mind. So many years of wanting YOU, who ever you were, to make my Christmas work for ME looking out to see what you would do,.. to add to the party and never bringing anything except want.
I was a nightmare and I made the people around me feel inadequate with a single glance or sarcastic smile of the uselessness of the gift and the poor partner who could never get it right,….. gringe at the thought of my selfishness
I never got that love is just being present and listening and sharing of our selves. I did not know because I did not feel love within I would not of recognised it even if I did feel it.
But hey,… now I know
I am incredible and loving and open and look forward to seeing my family who are beautifully mad and a little disturbed in the best possible way 
None of this feeling of excitement and love for the others in my life would have come without the opportunity to know myself that the fellowship has given me.
So my gift to the world is the gift I have been given and that is love and tolerance toward my fellows and more importantly myself. I have let go of the old imaginings around this time of year I no longer seek what you can give me but what I can give and the beautiful thing is that to give is to receive and to accept that which is given with gratitude makes for a happy holiday and a happy life.
Merry Merry and may you find that which you seek
In love and fellowship
Space
December 15th, 2007 at 11:16 am
the holidays are such a tough time for me. hoping that you will do part 2 soon. I am not thriving, i am projecting all my fears of what the holidays will bring and finding myself being very negative and dealing with the holiday time by firming of plans of isolating and doing my best to avoid falling into bad depression. there have been a few positive changes in as much that i have stopped drinking. have been making a real effort to stop smoking crack. real in as much as i’ve cut back to where i go as long as i can before i break and fail. but it is better than the rampant use that went on sinse i relapsed.
please excuse my pathetic attempts at reaching out here. I guess in a way i am looking for some support but I know people have to protect themsleves. a person like me who is still using is a threat. knowing myself that when i am ready to stop and do what I need to do to get better i have in the past gotten better. it does me no good to have someone just tell me what i want to hear. bottom line is it’s up to me to stop using and doing what I need to do. AA worked in that past. the barrier of fear and pride in going back and admitting i cannot do this on my own. whether in my mind it is based on resentments and non agreement with aspects of the program and fellowship, AA is the only thing helped me get any time clean in the past.
January 2nd, 2008 at 8:38 am
Happy New Year. when you putting out another show?
January 28th, 2008 at 12:11 am
Glenn, its a day 2 day fight fighting addiction but u can do it, i have been in and out of AA for a long time but Im going back ….tired of the pain that
goes along with this shit….AA will always welcome you back…..I know cause I have been there before….hang in there…
Jeff
January 29th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
thanks Jeff. it means a lot to have at least one person lending some encouragement. Right now I feel like I am the worst person in the world but I know I am not, but I feel that way. I guess I have been about to hit that brick wall for a while, my pathetic posts here were a pathetic attempt at reaching out. I am not going to post here anymore as I just bring the place down. but thanks man.